Doom

"Computer games are rubbish, and movies based on computer games are doubly rubbish, and watching Doom I could feel this tidal wave of social inadequacy wash over. I actually started to get acne as a result of the screening; I'm smelling bad body odour and anoraks" - Mark Kermode, BBC Radio 5live

Mark doesn't want to play computer games; doesn't want to watch someone else playing computer games; and thrice badly doesn't want to watch them being played on a big screen which could be showing The Ninth Configuration or Ben-Hur.

In the wake of Mark's rant - and especially the line "computer games are rubbish" - Eamon from Sony emailed to say that just because Hollywood can't make a decent movie, it didn't mean all computer games are rubbish - but Mark demanded an example of which one wasn't, and when the email couldn't reply (what with being an email), Mark said his point was proven. A huge, bulging bag of mail followed, taking Mark to task for having "dismissed a whole medium of entertainment". Simon suggested Mark had been "flippant" = but Mark bridled and said he was deadly serious. Simon ultimately had to rein Mark in and remind him it was his programme. Another email said Mark's attitude was like condemning films because Joel Silver, Jerry Bruckheimer and Michael Bay are allowed to make movies; Mark countered that "all those people have made good films".

However, Mark then rowed back and said "let me just clarify this - I've got nothing against computer games." Which clearly was not true, and was inadvertently proven when a clip of the Doom rant was played as part of the rant in the kitchen competition. Mark admitted it showed he had been lying, but he agreed he was right the first time anyway.