Crank 2

"Treats you as something that's just crawled out of the primordial swamp" - Andrew Collins, BBC Radio 5 Live

Jason Statham is back in the series whose idea is to do Speed but using Jason's own body as the bus; he has to keep his heart rate above a certain number of beats per minute or he dies. Crank 2 had the absurdly brilliant tagline "He was dead. But he got better."

Stand-in reviewer Andrew Collins walked out of Crank 2 in utter disgust 26 minutes in, during the scene when a number of strippers had their breast implants exploded by high-impact bullets. ("I'm not a Nuts or a Zoo reader, and if I was I would probably think it was hilarious, but I'm glad I'm not, and I think they should have some kind of lesson in citizenship.") It was left to Mark Kermode to explain that in leaving, Collins missed a scene where The Stathe has a fight with people wearing enormous U2-style papier mache heads, and another scene in which Jason appears on a game show with his mum being played by Geri Halliwell.

Even Alan Jones - in Mark's words, the critic "most tolerant of completely unacceptable behaviour on screen” - described Crank 2 as “needlessly offensive”.