Transformers: Dark Of The Moon

"Horrible, vile, vulgar and hideous - but it's important to understand why" - Mark Kermode, BBC Radio 5live

Third of the Transformers travesties that particularly incensed Mark by double-teaming Michael Bay and his fruitcaking the frame visual style with 3D. Sleepy leBeef returned once more, but Megan Fox was replaced for apparently referring to Bay as Hitler.

Even in the first Transformers film Mark had identified that Michael Bay - were he not one of the most successful directors in the world - would be making porn. In his review for Dark Of The Moon, he expanded further on that theory: "You can't tell who's doing what to who, why, what, where - literally you just there and it's bits and parts and thrusting and banging and smashing and you don't know who that belongs to or what that belongs to, and every now and then there are great explosions of completely inexplicable fluids, and noises of people groaning and grasping, and you're going, I'm sorry, you don't have to be really looking for a subtext to see where this is all coming from."