Last updated: 3/21/2025

Michael Bay

Director of many a Kermodian rant-inducing movie, or as Mark put it, "He is the angel of destruction, sent to destroy cinema with his flaming sword of corpulent rubbish"; the ideal Michael Bay shot is "a stripper leaning over the bonnet of a car, which then gets hit by a rocket launcher and explodes."

Perhaps only Adam Sandler has created more films that have been on the end of a Kermodian rant than Michael Bay. And Bay doesn't have Punch-Drunk Love for Mark to rhapsodise about. Instead he has Pain & Gain.

That said, as he admits in Hatchet Job, Mark was actually rather keen on Pearl Harbor at the time of release. And when defending his view that "computer games are rubbish" - for which listeners chastised that he was "dismissing an entire medium of entertainment", and it was the equivalent of condemning all movies on the grounds of the ones made by Joel Silver, Jerry Bruckheimer and Michael Bay - Mark countered that "all those people have made good films." (A later discussion, about people whose work contained no redeeming qualities whatsoever, would reveal that it was specifically some parts of Bad Boys that Mark found acceptable).

Michael Bay is actually the only person who annoys Mark who hasn't got an impression / silly voice of his own. The closest one is the Phwoarr, eh? sound when describing a leery filmmaker.

Incidentally, there are parts of the prose in Hatchet Job in which Mark refers to a director who is very proud of his hair, and who Mark considers to be the Devil. The identity of this director is unknown.

    iWittr - Michael Bay - Witterpedia