Phil Williams

Aston Villa fan and late-2000s Simon Mayo stand-in on the Daily Mayo, replacing Colin Murray in that role.

Despite Mark recommending Pan's Labyrinth to him twice, Phil still failed to see it. Mark was unsure how Phil was still making it through his life.

When it turned out he also hadn't been able to see any of There / Will / Be / Blood, No Country For Old Men or The Diving Bell And The Butterfly - but had been able to catch Rambo - Mark told Phil that he was rapidly turning into the enemy.

Phil once took Mark's seat during the press screening of Zak And Miri Make A Porno. This meant that Mark had to watch the film literally sat at the feet of critic Derek Malcolm. Though this did mean that when Malcolm delivered his verdict - "It's an incredible mix of vulgarity and hideous sentimentality" - Mark was on hand to write it down and repeat it on Wittertainment as a summation that, like Forrest Gump on a tractor, left nothing else to say.