Orloondo Bland

British actor Orlando Bloom - the notoriously wooden star of the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise. Killed Kingdom Of Heaven stone dead. Was also the "whey-faced twit" at the heart of Elizabethtown. While Mark Kermode has changed his opinion on Bland's co-star Ikea Knightley since their Pirates Of The Caribbean days, there is no indication his view of Bland is anything other than that his acting continues to be akin to watching a nest of tables.

Mark once described Bland as "the Donny Osmond of his generation, only without the teeth, or indeed the talent."