Nick Fisher

Tabloid critic who used his surname as the basis of his review system, awarding three, two or one fish. Great films were "fin-tastic", good ones were "worth frying" and bad ones were "codswallow."

People often say to critics when they savage films, "well, I'd like to see you do better." Mark Kermode can point out that he has - his review of 300 was much funnier than Meet The Spartans, which made all the same jokes, except with less wit, more expense and a year later.

Fisher, regrettably, wrote Virtual Sexuality and was then involved in It's A Boy-Girl Thing, which rather proved that not only could he not do better, he actually did considerably worse.