Green Street

"Actually concludes that being a football hooligan is akin to being Mel Gibson in Braveheart, and they can teach you more on the terraces than they do in Harvard. I'm sorry, get stuffed." Mark Kermode, BBC Radio 5live

The worst football hooliganism film ever made, featuring "the lunacy of Frodo goes to football" as Elijah Wood makes a career mistake even worse than Charlie Humdrum's Cock-er-nee accent (and when that accent is considered even more terrible than Dick van Dyke's in Mary Poppins, that's pretty bad).

The film that thinks that the definition of love is refusing to give the names of your mates at a police station after you've been arrested for being a violent arse. Mark described it as "awful, hideous, ghastly, repulsive, morally offensive if it weren't so utterly stupid." Simon replied, "a nice, balanced review, as ever."

In 2008, Green Street's scriptwriter Dougie Brimson wrote in to say that the sequel had just finished filming in New York, adding, "can you please tell the Good Doctor that it's nothing to do with me."