RocknRolla

"The Long Good Friday as done by Chas and Dave" - Mark Kermode, BBC Radio 5live

Sir Guy Ritchie decides that the future of his film-making isn't concepts after all, but it is indeed going back to violent East End geezers shooting each other to the backdrop of The Clash and Lou Reed. Stars Mark Strong, GERARD BUTLER and Charlotte from The Subways (and the rest of the Subways).

The opening monologue performed by Strong - something "even the New Musical Express" wouldn't write - was all it took for Mark Kermode to hate RocknRolla.

The film was not quite as terrible as Revolver, but in a way that was worse, because at least Revolver was something that could be gasped at as a line in the sand of one of the very worst pieces of 21st Century filmmaking. Whereas RocknRolla was just Sir Guy trying to rescue his career by going back to precisely the same guns-and-geezers style that had kicked his career off 10 years previously; notably, the poster said "from the director of Lock, Stock And Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch," but not "from the director of Swept Away and Revolver."

Mark noted that an executive from Warner Brothers - which had paid for the film - could only say of it that it was "funny in spots, and very English."

Ultimately, Mark concluded that it was even worse than Rancid Aluminium.

Simon however quite enjoyed RocknRolla, but then Mark told him that he didn't. Clearly a case of diminished expectations. Simon also quite liked the soundtrack, but Mark again told him he didn't. "I can't be wrong twice in two minutes", Simon wailed, but Mark calmly responded that he could. And was.