New Year's Eve

"Nobody, nobody, nobody, nobody, nobody, nobody, nobody, nobody will enjoy New Year's Eve. Nobody... a movie that is so bad, even stupid people will hate it." - Mark Kermode, BBC Radio 5live

Calendar-themed intertwining love story romcom that made Mark feel sicker than anything since he had watched Human Centipede 2. The vomit furball after the consumerist porn of Christmas. So effectively Valentine's Day, just 45 days earlier.

Having been to a screening with other critics at which people staggered out as if they had been hit around the head with a large leg of lamb, Mark was confident that nobody would like New Year's Eve - even those with cinematic expectations so diminished that they would see films that theatres would, back in the day, rather have closed than project.

Indeed, he went so far as to promise to sit down with anyone who did like the film and explain to them why they were wrong. After listening to him, he was sure that they would hate it after all - although Simon contended that this was the Old Trot talking.

Even Zac Efron couldn't save it.