Marley And Me

"A film that is less fun than having a real dog put down" - Mark Kermode, BBC Radio 5live

Poop starring Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson. And grammatically-incorrect poop at that.

Aniston's attempt at portraying a world-beating journalist is a slice of prime Meg Ryan is a helicopter pilot. Owen Wilson meanwhile has the least convincing journalism job ever shown on screen.

Mark Kermode spent a lot of his review imitating the sound of the press notes for the film, which, with their references to "life and love", "universal themes" and "going on a journey", annoyed him even before going in.

The film's last movement - "and I use the word "movement" advisedly" - is sentimentality porn. The whole thing was summed up by a six-year-old Wittertainee named Finley, who did not see the film but did hear his older brother Angus' rendition of Mark's Kermodian rant, and condensed it down to: "one day, Jenny decided she wanted a dog, so they went and bought one and called it Marley. Ten years later, Marley died, and Jenny said it was the best thing for him to die. The end."

Fiona Phillips told Mark that, while she doesn't have a dog, she would get one in order to avoid seeing this film. In response, Mark said they would now be best friends.