Keith Lemon

"At one point in the cinema I dropped this five penny piece, which I've brought in. I dropped it down the side of the chair. And I put my hand down the side of the chair to try to get it back. As you put your hand down the side of the chair, there's all manner of filth and scrunge [[1]] and putrescence... You think "ugh, ooh, that's horrible." But then I realized that it was less horrible than watching the screen" - Mark Kermode, BBC Radio 5live

Mark was actually on holiday when Keith Lemon came out, but on his return Tweeted asking which of the films he had missed people wanted him to catch up. The overwhelming response was Keith Lemon, on the grounds that it would be funny. Dr M joined in, telling Dr K that as a film critic, "that's your job - I play records, you see movies." Dr K replied that "yes, but you don't play all records."

On Kermode uncut, Mark hit himself in the nose with a hardback copy of the Oxford English Dictionary to see if it was more fun than watching Keith Lemon. It was.