Julian Sands

An old adversary of Mark who, for very long, was the nadir of all things thespian in the cinema. The exact reverse of the Richard E Grant rule, the Julian Sands rule is that while has been in a lot of good movies, he has never put in a good performance. For example, Leaving Las Vegas, a terrific film according to Mark, automatically had one star deducted when Mark reviewed it for Q magazine because Julian Sands was in it in the beginning.

Even the mention of Julian Sands' name (during a discussion of Ocean's

13. once caused Simon's brain not to work.

Sands also starred in Boxing Helena, the subject of a superb Backflip.

Sands actually appeared alongside Grant in Warlock, a proving of the rule in the true meaning of the phrase. It was decided (when Grant was on the programme) that this was a bad film with a bad Sands performance that was elevated by having Grant in it. Exactly the same verdict would later apply when Jennifer Aniston and Philip Seymour Hoffman somehow contrived to both be in Along Came Polly.

Julian Sands was also one of the key factors in the creation of the The Mark Strong But Game. According to Mark, the scariest tagline is "and Julian Sands"

All this said, Sands was precluded from nomination as someone whose work had no redeeming qualities whatsoever as he was good as a masseuse / masseur (the exact terminology was the subject of some debate) in Mike Figgis' film Timecode.